I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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