just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
