remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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