also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
