I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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