We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
