3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
