I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
did i just pee glitter
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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