Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
