saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
