im holly from the hills drunk
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
