Your mouth is God's brothel.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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