she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
