Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
