i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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