On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
home. puking in laundry basket.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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