my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
