How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
