After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
