doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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