Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
