I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
