The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
