you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
