So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
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