I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
