I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
