i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
