If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
She even gives head with a lisp.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm bleeding and have questions
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
