no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
