I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
