have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
