i think i have herpe
just one?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
