you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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