It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I could make wine with my vomit
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Randomize
