Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
