i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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