she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
