He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
