So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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