If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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