my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
