already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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