OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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