i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I understand Curling. That high.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
