Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
