am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
