And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
