I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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