I cannot find my penis.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
