there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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