You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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