1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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